Was with a childhood friend in the parking lot of a mall. As we walked towards his car, two guys approached us, knocked us to the ground, stole the keys and drove off. We went back into the mall and walked to the far end — past a group of teenage girls who were spraying silly string everywhere — to a set of windows and a partially-ajar fire escape door that overlooked a football field, on which the Giants and the 49ers were playing. We watched until the sun started to set, at which point we went back out to the parking lot and found the car. The license plate had been removed.
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Jeff
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Theo
A buddy of mine convinced me that it would be fun to talk down the east coast of the United States, cross through Mexico and head to Central America (all on foot). I worried a bit about how long such a venture might take (and how long I’d have to take off of work), but it seemed like a good idea, so I packed a duffel bag and joined him and a few others on the journey. We made it a mile or two before we decided to stop at a steakhouse for drinks. It was the early evening, though, and the waitress said she couldn’t serve us unless we also ordered food, which we did. I looked down at my legs and they were badly bruised from the bit of walking we’d done so far.
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Jeff
I was standing in the kitchen of my childhood home, near the window over the sink. I was mixing together chicken breast and lobster meat in a food processor, which was simultaneously cooking the meat. But once the lobster was obviously done, the chicken was still raw in the middle, so I had to separate the two items.
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Jeff
After hearing Alec Baldwin tell a not-particularly-funny joke about our founding fathers, I decided to write $100 checks to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams. To thank them to their service, I suppose. But as I was sitting in a quiet restaurant attempting to fill out the checks, I got confused because the layout was different on each and I kept writing the necessary info in the wrong spots.
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Samantha
I was in a country-style convenience store, with wooden shelves and trinkets hanging from the ceiling. Dwight from The Office was teaching me how to kick a football. He was speaking in an Italian accent. He showed me the proper technique, then told me to give it a shot. I tried, but the ball went off the side of my foot and bounced off the bottom shelf of a wine display a few feet away. A large jug of white wine fell to the ground and broke. Dwight said to me, jokingly, “That-a was my best-a bottle.”
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Jeff
I was on the edge of a curb that was several feet high, waiting to cross a one-way street, when a car turned the wrong way and smashed head-first into another. Then, moments later, two more cars approached and blindly collided with the initial offender. A police officer arrived on the scene, but when I raised my hand to tell him that I saw the whole thing, he said the he didn’t need my statement. Another car pulled up and a man got out wielding a gun. The police officer shot him in the arm, but he got wounded as well, so he told me that I would need to play third base and bat in his place on his softball team.
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Theo
The power went out suddenly at my work and we had to run outside quickly so that we didn’t set off the alarm or something. After standing in the parking lot for a few minutes in the hazy dusk, some Christmas lights popped back on, then all of the interior lights, so we were safe to go back inside. When I went back to my desk, my father was seated at a desk a few feet over. He’d evidently been hired there as well. He asked me if I’d heard about some news story where a guy built an amusement park for his kids. I told him I’d seen the movie version.
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Theo
I was looking for an apartment, so I got ahold of a key from a realtor and went to the place, which was on the second floor of a big hotel. It had this elaborate marble lobby with big Christmas trees everywhere and, when I entered the apartment, it was awesome. Big windows everywhere, a giant television that for some reasons had a security camera connected to it, one big bedroom and one smaller bedroom that I thought might be perfect for a sports/video game room. And closets everywhere. I snapped a photo of the place using my phone to show to my fiancee, thinking that even though it didn’t have an outdoor balcony or anything, all of the light would make it perfect for her plants. Then, after waiting a bit, I went back to the realtor and impatiently put down a security deposit, hoping that the aforementioned fiancee would like it.
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Jeff
I was competing in some sort of a triathlon or something. And remarkably (because in real life, such an undertaking might kill me), I was in the lead during the final stretch, when we had to swim from some small island to the shore and then run up to a small cabin. And I would’ve won, except just before the doorway of the cabin, in the spirit of politeness, I stopped to let New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees go ahead of me. No matter, though… I was fine with second place.
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Theo
I was standing in the backyard of my suburban childhood home. It was a sunny afternoon, and the grass appeared especially green. Overhead, a large commercial plane began to descend. I watched it plummet behind the trees a few hundred feet behind the house, momentarily disappearing out of view until an explosion shook the ground and fire and black smoke rose into the air.
Glenn is discussing.
Glenn 12:07 am on January 8, 2012 Permalink |
You have obvious father issues. And you might be gay.